I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
