Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
