I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
