Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
