i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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