Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
