What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize