I didn't shave. On purpose
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are two peas in an std pod
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
