how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
