He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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