Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
