i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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