I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
