actually, I'm a sock model
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
