We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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