Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
