just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
