he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
