It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize