she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
