You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
why is half of my head shaved?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
