I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
