We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
