Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
