It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
