the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize