Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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