I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
