weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
MIDGETS
????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
