got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
