Dignity is for republicans.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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