Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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