I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
