Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
