I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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