I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
