I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize