That's when you crack a 10am beer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
