the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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