I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am full of burrito and curiosity
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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