nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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