She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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