I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
