Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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