i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
