If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
