Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
