"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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