last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
