I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
