is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
