Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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