pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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