I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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