It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize