I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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