So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this boner is exhausting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
