I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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