It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
