Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
