I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will be naked everywhere
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize