What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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