I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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