I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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