I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
