What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
