I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
