They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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