he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
