so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
