why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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